you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
