An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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