Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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