sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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