Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
