Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
