I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
