Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
