Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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