dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
