That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
