I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize