Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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