im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
