She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
