I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize