I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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