We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
