I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize