A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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