My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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