I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize