i just wanna soil my oats bro
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We had to coat check the pizza.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
