I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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