My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Are we still banned from the library?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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