I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he just fucked me for my cheese..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
