and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
