I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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