My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
