Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I want her autograph on my taint
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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