I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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