She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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