So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wish my penis had a tongue
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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