I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He passed out mid-signature
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
