Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
