I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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