Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
