I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
