So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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