I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
