barbara walters just said penis...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
