in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
