i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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