Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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