One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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