just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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