something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
