I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
