Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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