It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
