I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
