I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He has the fingertips of a God
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize