Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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