capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
