Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
