1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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