Only a mothe r could love this liver
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
