I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
