it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize