your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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