so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
