Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
