I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
