Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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