I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
