I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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