I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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