he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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