I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
