i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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