i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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