dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize