What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
