I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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