Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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