youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel great
I just peed on a car
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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