I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
