I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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