"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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