farters have to be the big spoon...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
