i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I stole a fireplace last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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