im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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