this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
