so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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